Another Book Review
Another good read. I think I even found a bit of surprising insight at the end.
The book revolves around an upper middle class family - the promising 18-year-old daughter is involved in a car accident. She runs over a classmate while being distracted on the cellphone. The story is told from the mother's perpspective - and features glimpses into her own past, her underpriviledged life, her own relationship with her mother.
The narrator weighs heavily on the relationship she has with her daughter, she can't understand why her daughter "hates" her - she can't understand because she is nothing like her own mother, right? At the end there is such an "Ah -Ha" moment for me - her daughter confronts her - points out that she feels like the narrator looks at her with disdain. And you know what, she does, the mother realizes that she judges for the priviledged after her own poor childhood - and she sees her daughter as priviledged. Makes sense to me that this woman allowed her own envy towards people who have when she was a "have not" ebb into her family life - even though she provided this lifelstyle for her daughter. She is unconsciously jealous of her daughter's limitless possibilities, the way things come easily to her - until the car accident sweeps that away. I think it is only then that she can see her daughter struggle, almost wants her to struggle because of her own past lack of opportunity.
I am not sure I can get into words what I want to say. But this realization about the narrator was a wake up call for me - I was more of a "have not" as a child and I see a generation of kids with so much stuff - my own children - and I wonder - do I want them to fall on their face because they should "earn" it? I say "they'll appreciate things more if they have to work for them" - but is that really the truth? I know I envy people that I perceive have had things handed to them - and I know it's wrong for me to think this way - it's totally an insecurity thing, fear of being accepted. Makes me wonder out loud what wedges I create because of my envy? I think my own rush to judgment is a downfall, as it is this narrator. I also think it's the rush to judge before I am judged - beating someone to the punch - when who we were is not necessarily who we are.
Why is it at 36 years old I still have to find out ugly things about myself? *ugh* Though seriously, I am always glad to see things in the rearview mirror I otherwise wouldn't have. It's good to have your vision challenged. I do think it is so important to look at yourself, your behavior - I lecture this everyday to my criminal offenders - YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF - but man, to still be figuring out things every day - isn't life just amazing? It is probably a good thing that the journey never has to end - and that it is never too late to change and try harder. So I am resigned try harder.
I feel a little naked after this post - being honest with strangers that I am not perfect - ouch. *sigh - to err is human*
Up next - real knitting content - I hope (I'll feel less naked:).