Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mama said there'd be days like this...but so many?

I know I am not alone - I'm a very high strung, nervous and anxious person. Highly valuable qualities for um...nothing? I am wallowing a little today - as I think I need to every once in awhile. As they say, sh*t rolls down hill, I'm seemingly at the bottom lately - being a visual soul, I swear I can feel the pressure. Can't really put a finger on it, but my cluttered drawers are pissing me off no end today when last week, I could chuckle thinking how disorganized we are - silly family. Is being a woman part of this equation - sometimes I think so, kids or not, I just feel responsible for everything and everyone in my house - even if that is not entirely real. Now mind you, I'm not looking for a bit of sympathy, my days will go on, I'll hear a giggle from one of my girls and that will take the edge off and I feel fortunate to have faith in the big guy upstairs. It's just a fact though, isn't it? I think most humans walk around with a big bag of responsibilities weighing on them but we say "fine" when people ask us how we are because, well, we know they don't really want to know and they probably have their can a worms YOU don't want to know about right? I was just imagining this literally as I stumbled around Target today - each person with this heavy bag slung over their shoulder... a bag of responsibility, of sadness, of whatever they are dealing with. On a different day I know I could imagine these same people carrying a boquet of helium balloons because I would be on top of the world. It ebbs and flows - tomorrow may just be "the best day ever" - to quote my 6-year-old, perhaps she knows something I don't.

Truth is, I know I shouldn't complain. An acquaintance lost their adult son in a fiery car accident two nights ago. I think the mere thought is overwhelming, imagine that reality? So I think "there's perspective" and as my brother-in-law put more succinctly last night - it's unfortunate that perspective only lasts a day or two and then we're more concerned about our own stuff again. Gosh, reality bites sometimes. So the age old question - how can we treat our neighbors as ourselves?

Wait. Isn't this a blog about knitting? I seriously thought today I should take my new Yarn Pirate fiber to work just to pet it when I needed a little "oooomph" or maybe I could tuck a little swatch in my bra to help me relax and get by. Medication works for some, a ball of yarn for others right??

**I feel better just having ranted...ahhh


Anonymous sandra said...

Quite an entry! And I need something like that - cause I also feel pretty strange these days! Well, guess I am caryying "big-bag-of-responsibility" on my shoulders!
No matter how unworried person I have been in ymyounger years, now sometimes have feeling I won't be able to send my girl in school alone before she turns 15!

2:55 PM  
Anonymous jessie said...

Girl, I would send you all the yarn in my house right now (and that's a lot!) just to make you feel better! We do all have our problems but that doesn't make yours any less important. I hope you really feel better soon!

2:58 PM  
Blogger Gramknits said...

Sometimes a large alcoholic beverage can go a long way. Bet this is the last thing you would expect from me.

7:08 PM  
Blogger MollyBeees said...

Boy! I've been where you are and it's not fun! Better to focus on blessings. I've seen your family photos on your blog. You're 'too blessed to be stressed'. Cyber hugs!

9:45 AM  
Blogger keohinani said...

swatch in the bra? never heard that one before...does it do wonders for cup size, i wonder? sorry you had junky day. i feel ya on those. not quite like a "swatch in the bra", but you know what i mean. hope your week gets better!

7:49 PM  

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